420
America #1
Cathy Jones has a sweet (l) I hate her c*nt
Claudia Cardinal, sexy since the early 60's + still great today (in her mid 40's)
(Whom I've seen naked---> My Wife <-- Who gives me head) --> Morgan Fairchild- b*tch of the 80's
Pia Zadora, one of the all-time best "Lolita" types
Christy Brinkely is the finest
I loved her, but that bastard Don Howard took her. What a f*cknut
Iran Sucks
a woman is a life support system for a baby
If Brooke Shield's (eye) face could be put on Linda Blair's figure
There wouldn wou would not be a limp d*ck in all america
Someone did and called it Charlene Tilton
*poorly drawn erect penis*
Friday, May 23, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Happy Birthday Matty! A novel.
Tuesday May 20th, 2008
I am 26 years old today.
It was a good day at work, I resurrected the foosball table from my parents basement and had it installed on my paper delivery truck. AirFoosOne- Make It So! There was a picnic, food, fun, and Quinn "I play until I Bleed" bleeding all over and ruining the fun.
After work, I crashed Harry's Bar and Grill where there is a tradition of UITS staffers eating mini hamburgers as appetizers and then moving on to the main course of nachos. Harry has excellent taste in the decor of the bar, as well as drink choices, but I was unable to indulge in the tasties because I was headed over to Zaffiro's for some pizza with the fam.
What I did not realize, was that my Goose Island specialty beers were incredibly strong, the delicious Pere Jaque and Matilda varieties, and after 1 and 1/2 drinks, there was no chance in my feeling comfortable enough behind the wheel for the 5 minute drive. So my folks came and picked me up out of their way.
Threat level bumped up to Yellow.
Zaffiro's was awesome, Sarah Lange and Rachel Payden joined us randomly, and we had delicious food and lots of it. Cheesy bread, that huge salad they serve, Everything But Fish and a veggie pizza complemented the awesome homemade Chianti, with spumoni to top it all off. Awesome.
Then we went our merry ways, Shannon, Lillian and I were dropped off at our car in front of Harry's and we started the drive home. Tension was in the air because Chad and Sarah had both called me looking for a good time, and I was on the mum of whether or not I should ask Shannon about going out on a Tuesday night. I caved and said I wanted to go out, so she hastily dropped me off in front of The Terminal and kicked up dust like Bo and Luke in the General Lee, if the General Lee was a '99 green Chevy Cavalier.
Threat level escalated to Red.
I was only slightly bitter at The Terminal, but my friends are always there to forgive and let me lament however annoying it probably gets. Chad, Sarah, and one of Sarah's classmates Michelle were there, and Andy immediately showed up after getting the call of duty. The atmosphere was right and we enjoyed ourselves discussing all sorts of intellectual topics, such as the differences between Corporate Banks and Credit Unions, rejecting the downplaying of graduating with an Associates Degree, the shame that comes hand in hand with wanting to play video games for days at a time without break, and the amazement at immersing yourself into the Grand Theft Auto series while actually caring about the story. We drank and were merry, and that's when I put on the duck costume.
Threat level probably on the back burner simmering to Dark Red and thickening.
It's Sarah's pride and joy, kept in the trunk of her car for any and every such occasion. While I was in the bathroom putting it on, Some guy is walking towards the door and sees Sarah outside, patiently waiting. Thinking there is a boyfriend throwing up inside, he says to her "I probably know what's going on in there." He walks in and sees A 6 foot fluffy white duck with a huge padded butt, standing at the mirror putting his beak on. "I didn't expect that," he says straight faced to me. He steps outside and says more to himself than to Sarah, "I didn't expect that," comes back in and then heads over to the urinal.
What, you've never seen a duck before? WTF?
The night gets even sillier, old guys tell us horribly long and unfunny jokes about ducks, people keep staring at me for no reason, and everything has gone fuzzy due to my exhale coming out of the beak at a bad angle and fogging my glasses, so I took them off. A drunk and divorced guy wearing a sweater that says Brew City Keg Department buys me a shot and tells me how he got custody of his 4 year old daughter. We drink to daughters growing up like their fathers.
The night probably gets even more hilarious, then we decide to call it quits and head home. Andy takes me over to Taco Bell, where I accuse the drive through window man of making up all the names of their menu items to which he ashamedly confesses. We order cheap random foodstuffs, and I get dumped on my front porch to finish them off. I go inside, try and calm Tobey down who is whimpering like a Beagle puppy should, and them stumble into bed waking up my wife who probably wasn't sleeping anyway. It is late.
Threat level somewhere around white hot.
In the morning, I am hung over. Bad. Bad enough that I don't get out of bed and call into work to take a half day. I listen to the morning unfold, Shannon and Lillian doing their morning things, getting ready and screaming at Tobey because he has diarrhea and keeps pooping on the carpet. I also have the sh*ts, but at least I'm potty trained. I crawl back into bed, roll over and sleep for another 45 minute period. Weird dreams with lucid real world happenings intersperse, and I finally get up because I'm feeling better and it sounds like Shannon is making the final push to get out of the house. Tobey poops again as if on cue, and I try to help but get scolded so I just stand there like a helpless imbecile. I walk Tobey outside as they are leaving, and Shannon tells me that Tobey probably got the craps because there was some food on the front steps, something that looked like Taco Bell.
Threat level has reached zen-like nexus.
I stand in the front yard barefoot in my pajamas, holding the leash of a dog pooping in the garden next to me, the sun is slapping me in the face and I watch my family wave goodbye as they drive away.
I am 26 years old.
Happy Birthday Matty.
I am 26 years old today.
It was a good day at work, I resurrected the foosball table from my parents basement and had it installed on my paper delivery truck. AirFoosOne- Make It So! There was a picnic, food, fun, and Quinn "I play until I Bleed" bleeding all over and ruining the fun.
After work, I crashed Harry's Bar and Grill where there is a tradition of UITS staffers eating mini hamburgers as appetizers and then moving on to the main course of nachos. Harry has excellent taste in the decor of the bar, as well as drink choices, but I was unable to indulge in the tasties because I was headed over to Zaffiro's for some pizza with the fam.
What I did not realize, was that my Goose Island specialty beers were incredibly strong, the delicious Pere Jaque and Matilda varieties, and after 1 and 1/2 drinks, there was no chance in my feeling comfortable enough behind the wheel for the 5 minute drive. So my folks came and picked me up out of their way.
Threat level bumped up to Yellow.
Zaffiro's was awesome, Sarah Lange and Rachel Payden joined us randomly, and we had delicious food and lots of it. Cheesy bread, that huge salad they serve, Everything But Fish and a veggie pizza complemented the awesome homemade Chianti, with spumoni to top it all off. Awesome.
Then we went our merry ways, Shannon, Lillian and I were dropped off at our car in front of Harry's and we started the drive home. Tension was in the air because Chad and Sarah had both called me looking for a good time, and I was on the mum of whether or not I should ask Shannon about going out on a Tuesday night. I caved and said I wanted to go out, so she hastily dropped me off in front of The Terminal and kicked up dust like Bo and Luke in the General Lee, if the General Lee was a '99 green Chevy Cavalier.
Threat level escalated to Red.
I was only slightly bitter at The Terminal, but my friends are always there to forgive and let me lament however annoying it probably gets. Chad, Sarah, and one of Sarah's classmates Michelle were there, and Andy immediately showed up after getting the call of duty. The atmosphere was right and we enjoyed ourselves discussing all sorts of intellectual topics, such as the differences between Corporate Banks and Credit Unions, rejecting the downplaying of graduating with an Associates Degree, the shame that comes hand in hand with wanting to play video games for days at a time without break, and the amazement at immersing yourself into the Grand Theft Auto series while actually caring about the story. We drank and were merry, and that's when I put on the duck costume.
Threat level probably on the back burner simmering to Dark Red and thickening.
It's Sarah's pride and joy, kept in the trunk of her car for any and every such occasion. While I was in the bathroom putting it on, Some guy is walking towards the door and sees Sarah outside, patiently waiting. Thinking there is a boyfriend throwing up inside, he says to her "I probably know what's going on in there." He walks in and sees A 6 foot fluffy white duck with a huge padded butt, standing at the mirror putting his beak on. "I didn't expect that," he says straight faced to me. He steps outside and says more to himself than to Sarah, "I didn't expect that," comes back in and then heads over to the urinal.
What, you've never seen a duck before? WTF?
The night gets even sillier, old guys tell us horribly long and unfunny jokes about ducks, people keep staring at me for no reason, and everything has gone fuzzy due to my exhale coming out of the beak at a bad angle and fogging my glasses, so I took them off. A drunk and divorced guy wearing a sweater that says Brew City Keg Department buys me a shot and tells me how he got custody of his 4 year old daughter. We drink to daughters growing up like their fathers.
The night probably gets even more hilarious, then we decide to call it quits and head home. Andy takes me over to Taco Bell, where I accuse the drive through window man of making up all the names of their menu items to which he ashamedly confesses. We order cheap random foodstuffs, and I get dumped on my front porch to finish them off. I go inside, try and calm Tobey down who is whimpering like a Beagle puppy should, and them stumble into bed waking up my wife who probably wasn't sleeping anyway. It is late.
Threat level somewhere around white hot.
In the morning, I am hung over. Bad. Bad enough that I don't get out of bed and call into work to take a half day. I listen to the morning unfold, Shannon and Lillian doing their morning things, getting ready and screaming at Tobey because he has diarrhea and keeps pooping on the carpet. I also have the sh*ts, but at least I'm potty trained. I crawl back into bed, roll over and sleep for another 45 minute period. Weird dreams with lucid real world happenings intersperse, and I finally get up because I'm feeling better and it sounds like Shannon is making the final push to get out of the house. Tobey poops again as if on cue, and I try to help but get scolded so I just stand there like a helpless imbecile. I walk Tobey outside as they are leaving, and Shannon tells me that Tobey probably got the craps because there was some food on the front steps, something that looked like Taco Bell.
Threat level has reached zen-like nexus.
I stand in the front yard barefoot in my pajamas, holding the leash of a dog pooping in the garden next to me, the sun is slapping me in the face and I watch my family wave goodbye as they drive away.
I am 26 years old.
Happy Birthday Matty.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Make it So!
I see Twitter as something more valuable than 140 characters of "What are you doing?" I see it as a gateway to the personal/public thoughts of a society as a whole. A stream of information that ebbs and flows with the feelings and emotions of the individuals that make it. Mundane musings and new ideas spread out to anyone who is listening...
Did you know the recent massive earthquake in China hit Twitter 3 minutes before the US Geological Society reported?
The LA Fire Department updates emergencies constantly and used it during the 2007 wildfires.
A student was arrested in Egypt and was released due to his friends back home who contacted legal help.
Emergency notifications combined with the grapevine effect of tweets have the ability to spread information quickly to large numbers of people instantaneously. How can this be used better?
I want tweets about my hometown, about things that could affect me right now. Someone tell me how the traffic is on I-94 Northbound near the airport. What is going on Downtown right now that's entertaining? Some store on the East-Side is closing and they're having a massive sale? Some philanthropist just gave the city of Milwaukee $50 Million?
I want white noise flowing through my head of all the things that I could be missing, or doing, or seeing. Of things that affect me and things that don't. The ability to turn it off is there as well, and I can just as easily tune out. But if the possibility is there, why would you?
These are the things that excite me. Plug me in to the human network. I want the summation of everything that is going on right now at my fingertips and available to me in 140 characters or less. Total Social Consciousness. Make it so.
Did you know the recent massive earthquake in China hit Twitter 3 minutes before the US Geological Society reported?
The LA Fire Department updates emergencies constantly and used it during the 2007 wildfires.
A student was arrested in Egypt and was released due to his friends back home who contacted legal help.
Emergency notifications combined with the grapevine effect of tweets have the ability to spread information quickly to large numbers of people instantaneously. How can this be used better?
I want tweets about my hometown, about things that could affect me right now. Someone tell me how the traffic is on I-94 Northbound near the airport. What is going on Downtown right now that's entertaining? Some store on the East-Side is closing and they're having a massive sale? Some philanthropist just gave the city of Milwaukee $50 Million?
I want white noise flowing through my head of all the things that I could be missing, or doing, or seeing. Of things that affect me and things that don't. The ability to turn it off is there as well, and I can just as easily tune out. But if the possibility is there, why would you?
These are the things that excite me. Plug me in to the human network. I want the summation of everything that is going on right now at my fingertips and available to me in 140 characters or less. Total Social Consciousness. Make it so.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
A moment of hubris, weakness
My wife forgot her coffee this morning. She was in a rush, and I watched her leave out the front door all flustered. I noticed her travel mug, sitting there on the coffee table, brimming with delicious coffee goodness all ready to go. And for a second there, I thought about chasing after her to deliver the goods that she will need to survive her day.
But I am a sinner. I covet my neighbors coffee.
Our coffee pot makes a meager 8 cups, which is enough for 3 servings. We usually split the pot, with one person getting that all important extra cupful switching off every couple of days. I had already had my first mug by that time, and I was getting ready to fill my travel mug with the remainder of the pot. An especially tasty brew of Starbucks. I filled my mug, and was ready to head out the door with the enjoyable thought of that second cup.
Then I saw the coffee table. Evil thoughts filled my head only for an instant, and that was all it took.
I raced back into the kitchen, emptied the black blood from my daily thermos into the mega travel mug (reserved and fought over for special occasions), and proceeded to pry the cap off of her mug as well. A light and creamy caramel colored brew caught me off guard, as I recognized the vile defilement that my wife calls coffee. Probably a blend of milk/creamer, Splenda™, and other flavored sugars. But it was too late, and my mind was already made up. With her strange concoction and my straight up, it shouldn't be that bad.
The bus ride to work was tragic, because it was then that I realized I will never be able to drink the blend my wife enjoys. 2/3 of a pot ruined because of my zealousness for caffeine. I tried to choke down as much as I could, but there was no chance of any more than a few swallows. I poured the sludge out as I walked to work from the bus stop, probably killing every bit of grass and plant that it touched, almost 2 blocks worth of planters.
I am so sorry, my friend.
Fail.
But I am a sinner. I covet my neighbors coffee.
Our coffee pot makes a meager 8 cups, which is enough for 3 servings. We usually split the pot, with one person getting that all important extra cupful switching off every couple of days. I had already had my first mug by that time, and I was getting ready to fill my travel mug with the remainder of the pot. An especially tasty brew of Starbucks. I filled my mug, and was ready to head out the door with the enjoyable thought of that second cup.
Then I saw the coffee table. Evil thoughts filled my head only for an instant, and that was all it took.
I raced back into the kitchen, emptied the black blood from my daily thermos into the mega travel mug (reserved and fought over for special occasions), and proceeded to pry the cap off of her mug as well. A light and creamy caramel colored brew caught me off guard, as I recognized the vile defilement that my wife calls coffee. Probably a blend of milk/creamer, Splenda™, and other flavored sugars. But it was too late, and my mind was already made up. With her strange concoction and my straight up, it shouldn't be that bad.
The bus ride to work was tragic, because it was then that I realized I will never be able to drink the blend my wife enjoys. 2/3 of a pot ruined because of my zealousness for caffeine. I tried to choke down as much as I could, but there was no chance of any more than a few swallows. I poured the sludge out as I walked to work from the bus stop, probably killing every bit of grass and plant that it touched, almost 2 blocks worth of planters.
I am so sorry, my friend.
Fail.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
A Cosmic Hiccup
Four years ago in the Spring of '04, I was a Senior @ UWM and the spring semester actually had spring weather. I was outside everyday in between classes hacking it up in the Spaights, usually on the circular platform by the Ernest commemorative plaque. There was a good group of skilled guys, running between 3 - 7 at any moment, and the circles would last for hours that you could go to class, and hop back in once it was finished without missing a beat.
A few of the names I remember, Mike, who did and still works in the economics department, a guy affectionately named Mocs, who always wore moccasins, and Sy ( or Sai, or Psy, or Sigh, or Psi, I never knew the spelling, but remembered the name because of it's originality). Those were good days, some of my most enjoyable, and I have been searching everywhere for a circle like that again, with nothing even close to a far cry.
Today, I saw the back of a head that reminded me of Sy, but I casually brushed it off because I constantly do that with many people. Pick a few physical characteristics that are recognizable, and a name pops into my head of some long past high school/ college friend I hadn't seen in years. But if I ran into that person face to face, I probably would be hard pressed to think of their name in the blink of an eye. It wasn't Sy I saw, and so continued on my way.
A few hours passed, and on my route I turned a hallway and there he was, waiting to pick up his student ID. I think I caught him off guard because he was already refreshed in my memory I didn't miss a beat, and he had some recall to do. Always the nice guy, we talked about how long it's been, that he was (finally) graduating, and how random it was to run into each other. I told him I was married, had a 2 1/2 year old daughter, was working on campus, and had just acquired a puppy. Upon graduation, he was going to ride his bike across the country, and worry about getting a real job later.
I think we were both amazed at how vastly different things had become over the years, and without letting the conversation become awkward, we said our nice to see you's and good lucks, and then we parted.
A cosmic hiccup: An occurrence that leaves one profoundly confused and always questioning how things would have turned out some other way. I wonder how long I will carry this one for?
A few of the names I remember, Mike, who did and still works in the economics department, a guy affectionately named Mocs, who always wore moccasins, and Sy ( or Sai, or Psy, or Sigh, or Psi, I never knew the spelling, but remembered the name because of it's originality). Those were good days, some of my most enjoyable, and I have been searching everywhere for a circle like that again, with nothing even close to a far cry.
Today, I saw the back of a head that reminded me of Sy, but I casually brushed it off because I constantly do that with many people. Pick a few physical characteristics that are recognizable, and a name pops into my head of some long past high school/ college friend I hadn't seen in years. But if I ran into that person face to face, I probably would be hard pressed to think of their name in the blink of an eye. It wasn't Sy I saw, and so continued on my way.
A few hours passed, and on my route I turned a hallway and there he was, waiting to pick up his student ID. I think I caught him off guard because he was already refreshed in my memory I didn't miss a beat, and he had some recall to do. Always the nice guy, we talked about how long it's been, that he was (finally) graduating, and how random it was to run into each other. I told him I was married, had a 2 1/2 year old daughter, was working on campus, and had just acquired a puppy. Upon graduation, he was going to ride his bike across the country, and worry about getting a real job later.
I think we were both amazed at how vastly different things had become over the years, and without letting the conversation become awkward, we said our nice to see you's and good lucks, and then we parted.
A cosmic hiccup: An occurrence that leaves one profoundly confused and always questioning how things would have turned out some other way. I wonder how long I will carry this one for?
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